What Would You Do?

Suppose someone told you 
that you just didn't make the cut,
That you just weren't good enough
For their level of expectations,
That you weren't
What they needed to thrive.

"What would you do?"

"You'd been better off if you had broken it."
Was the beginning of a downward spiral.
 

I remember it at first as a blessing,
Maybe this time away will do me good and they'll stop riding my ass,
But that didn't stop them from trying.

"You gotta strengthen that foot if you wanna play."
"Yes, Im fully aware, thank you for the obvious."

"Keep working it, you need the full range if you want to play."

"How about a little consideration, i did sprain it a week ago."

But i pushed through and
When summer came 
I thought i was ready
My foot knew we weren't

Coming home the first day of
A three day trial period
I cried
The thought of the next four months
Had been overwhelming and,
My still healing appendage knew we wouldn't be able to take it.
Still, I carried on with the last two days before season was to start
Third day comes and goes
Starting with the seniors, one by one
We are called- either accepted or rejected
My turn comes, in other terms

"You arent good enough for our level of expectation and arent what we need to thrive."

What did i do?

Many times over
From the level of intensity 
that comes with this sport,
I imagined quitting many times, usually when i was breaking mentally,
But it had never crossed my mind of
Them giving up on me.

So what did i do?

Lost
Like a puppy who wandered to far from home
I wasn't sure who i was without 
Goalie pads and bruises and practices 5 days a week.
I didn't know how to be
I just didn't know.

I did other things and
i realized I'm not merely defined by the sports I play

There are many of factors that contribute to my self-worth

I am a student
A sister
A daughter
A granddaughter
A cousin
A niece
A best friend
A confidant 
An advisor

I am also
Stubborn
Childish
Mature
Independent
Loving
Graceful
Clumsy
Light-hearted
Selfish
Selfless
Beautiful 

So what did i do?
I found myself.

This poem is about: 
Me

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