What would I give to go back?

Back to when?

Back to those times where I was little and had the imagination to become a singer when I knew I couldn’t sing worth anything? ha ha

Back to when I fell in love with every cute little blonde that walked around?

Or back to that time where I’d call random people and they asked me if I was a girl or a boy based on my voice?

 

Maybe I’d be back to those simple times where nothing made sense

Back when it was as simple as peeling a banana

Bad example because I still struggle with that

But back when I forgot about death and I realized that I’m only a kid and having only one chance at being a kid

 

I hate almost being 18 and complaining about how I miss being a kid even though I’m still relatively young

But then I also have to remember that I’m kind of growing up

But I’m really scared

So I want to go back to those times where I was just a little child

 

Just to go back and forget everything

Forget about love

Just only the concept of whatever idea I had pictured in my mind of what I thought  love was

Even though I'm still trying to figure out what all that means right now

 

Back to when I just had to go to school

Stay home

Eat

Sleep

So simple

 

I miss those times more than anything

And all I want is to have that time back

But then I realize that I shouldn't complain about the time that I've wasted

Or the time that I cannot get back

 

I have to remember that there is still time in the future

There is a time I have not lived and I cannot wait for that moment

Because in that moment,

I will be something that I have never been before

 

I will be a new me

I will not be this old version of myself that I use to be and that I am now

I will be whatever I will become

And I'm scared what that person will be

 

But I also know that he won't be all as bad as I use to worry about

Because I can trust myself to know that,

I'll be good enough for me

 

So I would give nothing to go back

Because now I know that I cannot hang on to this made up imaginationland of what use to be

But I can only look forward to what's going to be out there for me

And I hope I'll be ready