I don't know how to love...but I'd sure like to learn how.
The word never came up as a child, at the dinner table, during holidays, etc.
Funny how I can learn how to find the integral of a trig function but I can't learn how to love...or maybe I just refuse to learn.
Because learning to love means I would have to let someone in.
Let them "get to know me," let them discover my interests, let them delve and pick my brain, let them get close...too close.
And I don't like that.
You see people get close to you just so they can turn on you when you least expect it.
On your worst day or at your mighty lows you turn to your left and right hoping, PRAYING to find a friend, comfort, a shoulder to lean on, or just someone to confide in; but you're in an empty room of a house that has been foreclosed on because the tenants didn't pay the rent.
I'm not making excuses. I'm just stuck in a whirlwind of confusion.
Because when someone is out giving me their all, and I don't even know if it's "ok" to call them baby, that's a problem.
It might be too clingy.
Maybe they'll leave me.
I can tell you what a synedoche, metonymy, verbal irony,and all the other irrelevant crap is.
But how or what to do when you're in love? I can't.
I just can't.
And I wish they taught that in school.