I lived to walk among the scenes
Of people walking by.
I lived to hear the mother's scream
And hear the baby's cry.
I lived to lend my helping hand
Until one day I saw
The thing I could not understand
And I stood there in awe
That like a child who will rush
To school as parents wait
For absent cries and feel the brush
Away from the front gate,
The people who I helped throughout
Their lives were doing fine
But when they went away came out
The sorry state of mine.
I lived the outside looking in
And tried to break the glass.
It seemed that I could never win,
Not first but always last.
I questioned then what would I take
If not my prior path
Of soothing wounds and pains and aches
Until I would collapse.
At first the guilt surrounded me
Like darkness in the night
Because of the expectancy
I carried through my life.
In stress supportive words ensued,
Yet words misunderstood,
My mind had somehow misconstrued
"You can" into "You should".
So on one day while idling,
Not long ago at all,
I strangely started smiling
After I hit the wall.
Just like my friend Thoreau had done
At Walden in his prime
I wondered how it would be won,
The battle of my time.
For once I focused solely on
Desires of the self,
And not of those who now were gone
And pictures on a shelf.
The answer came to me quite soon
Not in thoughts for my path
But in memories that did bloom
From learning during math.
The thirst for knowledge in the quest
To add, subtract, divide,
And solve equations on a test
Like problems in my mind.
I'd found what would make me happy,
And even though it lacked
The utmost generosity
Of my previous path,
This new career is the right one
And one I want today.
Once shrouded, now I see the sun,
Excited every day.
For like Thoreau, my questioning
On my place in my life
Had found a new song I would sing
Through good times and through strife.
And what I lived for, it may seem,
A good thing anyhow,
But I do not wish it to be
What I will live for now.