I can say that I'm struggling.
That everyday is a challenge to get out of bed
To face a world that is so dead set against students.
I can say that I didn't come to school yesterday
Because I had a migraine.
But can I say that I didn't come to school
Because I am afraid?
We're told that this place is safe and that we can come to you,
Come to the teacher and confide
All the little secrets you have.
Does mommy hit you?
Does daddy hit the bottle?
I'm allowed to confide in you.
Why wouldn't I confide in you?
Maybe its the times that you hit me,
You hit me so hard with your words,
Call on me then retract the offer
Because that stupid girl wouldn't know the answer.
I can come to you, and I can tell you anything, right?
But I can't
I can't tell you how much I despise the
Way that you've treated me
And I can't tell you how dirty I felt coming
To you of all people for that stupid recommendation
Because my dreams all rely on the shit you can say,
The shit you can say that I can't.
I have to remain silent
I have to bear every ugly word you ever called me.
But what could possibly be worse than when you called me “Inky”
With that smirk on your face,
And you pretended that you knew me.
You pretended to care about me.
You made me Student of the Month because I swallowed my pride.
I had to smile and
Pretend that I was gracious.
What can't I say to my teacher?
I can't tell my teacher that I'm afraid
Afraid of my future that hangs on the
Words that she writes that I can't see.
Afraid that she'll tell them about the
Person I used to be.
I can't say that I'm afraid
That I won't get a second chance
And it'll be her fault.
That it will be my fault.