As I lay down in bed
I think about what I could have done differently
I think about what my life could have been
What if my dad had never left?
What if my sister would have never been born?
What if my mother was rich?
What if my big brother hadn’t existed?
What would have been of my life?
Would I be a spoiled brat if my dad was still here, or if my mom was rich?
Would I be lonely and severely depressed if my sister hadn’t been born?
Would I have all the material goods I possess without my big brother’s help?
The answer to these questions is: “I don’t know.”
It’s not the kind of “I don’t know” that is used when you don’t know the answer to the question
It’s the kind of “I don’t know” answer that’s used when you don’t want to think about what the what-could’ve and the what-should’ve been
The kind of answer that is used to avoid any further thoughts
But this answer doesn’t stop me from thinking about the real answers to these questions
The life I could have had but never did
Maybe even the life I wish I had lived
But it is not up to me to decide my fate
As destiny and God have already decided this for me