Welcome to lake indifference

Welcome to lake indifference

Here you will find the vacation home of every man I have ever loved.

Starting with cabin 208

Occupied by all the men I accidentally loved in high school.

Or at least I thought I loved.

Here you will find the vegan on the basketball team

The Eagle Scout in the marching band

The bad boy who is still running from himself

And a swimmer.

And what a beautiful place to be a swimmer

Here at lake indifference

Home of the one word text messages

Walk along it’s shores, but be careful not to cut yourself on the daunting shards of broken promises.

Where the waves of aimless emotion have eroded away the past like sea glass.

Wade into it’s waters

Taste the unremarkable flavor of its fresh water on your tongue

Almost as bland as our food

And maybe a little salty?

Listen closely and you’ll hear the waves whisper “I’m sorry you feel that way”

This is lake indifference,

The okayest lake in whatever state you’re living in.

Today’s craft will be making paper mache engagement rings

And weather-permitting, even flower crowns made from forget-me-nots

To give to that special someone who forgot you were someone.

Although you never know here at Lake indifference.

We have all kinds of weather, good weather, bad weather, and weather weather.

But when the sun is up it gets hot hot hot

So better head on down to the beach by cabin 112.

Where the lifeguard is staring out over the idle lake with eyes bluer than the sky

Which isn’t hard to beat here at lake indifference with 100 shades of grey.

You can say hello if you want to

But do not expect him to reply

And don’t go drowning either

He won’t notice you sinking

Those blue eyes of his are too busy looking to the sun

Wondering if he’ll ever be honest to himself or someone

If you sneak quietly you might overhear the secrets of cabin 112

Where the doors are nailed shut

Where the doors aren’t ready to be opened yet

Where the lights are dimmed just enough

To see 6 men sitting on their bunk beds

The first bed decorated like the Pittsburgh Pirates with a baseball glove to match

The next with a tennis racket and a map of North America.

Scan down the aisle and you’ll find the dirt stained sheets and a soccer ball to signify that someone has just been playing here.

But the last three bunks seem a little too far away to piece together in this dim lighting.

First you will hear the faint sound of choral music

Maybe a dumbbell hitting the floor and a deep deep voice that startles you for just a moment.

Then listen to them laugh.

Leave your number by the door and maybe they’ll call you someday.

But where are my manners!?

Come on down to our dining hall!

Where the pale paint is peeling in strips

Try that food I told you so little about

The salted potato’s and bread

Don’t forget about the cabbage

And no meal is complete without dessert

And our chefs make the most acceptable fruit cake.

Just in time for Christmas in July

We used to have homemade Caesar salads here, freshly made spring rolls, and every pasta you could ever imagine, but that chef left us.

Couldn’t handle the commitment of such a fine establishment and resigned to cabin 171, right next to cabin 661 and I’m not exactly sure why they are named that way.

You see these cabins are new to our lake

Growing bigger every season

With new residents every month

coming and going

But they bring new business too

As they have the past two years

And will continue to do this year

Would you like to see them for yourself?

Walk up to the hardwood doors and notice the residents going back and forth between cabins as if they themselves can’t decide where they are sleeping tonight.

Enter the first cabin you see and you’ll notice the light above the door and the flutter of moth wings as if it is already night here.

Perhaps these men are like moths and you are the closest thing to the moon.

Push through the heavy wooden door and see the words someone has scratches into the walls,

“You don’t know what love is”

And the words someone scribbled in faint pen underneath them

“And I’ll never be able to show you”

Walk by the bunks flooded with video games, board games, and mind games.

Trace the silhouette of a popcorn bucket on the floor

The math books hanging from the ceilings like chandeliers

And every Wikipedia article printed out and stapled to the wall as if someone was studying to become everything.

This isn’t the cabin you will sleep in tonight though.

No, tonight you will sleep under the stars

You will watch the Big Dipper glide it’s way into lake indifference and scoop out another man who demanded my love in return for indifference.

And here I will cry in the grass, gripping it tightly til I rip up the soil

And watch my tears form a river headed for the lake.

And it all makes sense now.

But I promise I won’t be staying all summer

I will learn to cross this lake someday

I promise

And what a beautiful place to be a swimmer

This poem is about: 
Me

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