Some days 

I grow stronger

and say

”I don’t need him”

other days

i grow weak 

and wish

to talk to him

a monster of

pure anger

wants to somehow

destroy him

but a feeling

somewhere

tells me to leave

it alone

it feels 

as if my

insides are ripped out

piece by piece

they crack

and fall apart

with each nerve

and blood vessel

holding them together

 I breathe in

and out

and murmur 

“it’s a new day. ”

i can live

without

this beast

this Devil 

making me feel

like a burden

making me feel

like I’m worthless

this weakness

gives me some strength

to leave it

little by little 

Every single day

its just hard

to breathe

and act

as if we

never met

this weak

grows strong

this weak

lives on

in my

aching bones

And broken nose

and ripped out hair

and all these tears

at my heart

i cannot bear

how much

i loved him

how much

i thought

he cared

how much 

I thought

about him

every detail

this weak

is what

will make

me strong