I am so done.
I give up. I don’t know what else I can do.
…it has to end here.
All the scheming
All the times we’ve had together.
I can’t take it.
Enough is enough.
I’ve tried oh I’ve tried. I’ve worked my mind and my soul past their limits until they’ve bled in exhaustion.
An exhaustion keeping me enclosed for weeks.
Never opening up. Never seeing the world, appreciating.
Never being truly gratified. Never being fully fulfilled.
My life isn’t moving forward.
It’s been stilled.
Stilled by the lies you incant before me. bewitching me under your curse, and before I know it, the lies become me. These lies, filling me with confusion, dissatisfaction, guilt.
Guilt that covers my body. Think, oozing guilt. Putrid, permeating guilt. It bores into me. Into every detail of me. Over every lost shadow and corner in the recesses of the maze that I call my mind
I can’t escape it. I can’t abandon what’s left of myself. But is anything there? Anything left to abandon? or is there just a glimmer now? A fleeting image?
I extend my hand toward it. It whisps away..and before I know it my hand whisps away. Truly gone, but never truly there.
A recollection, a memory.
A mirage, a fantasy.
This is not what I am to be.
What I aim to be.
What I ache to be.
This, this isn’t me.