War For My Mind

Location

I'm fighting

I'm fighting the darkness within me
The darkness that makes me feel... Alone
So alone that I can't stand it
So alone that I go insane
The darkness that creates the voices
The voices in my head telling me... 
Telling me to give up
Telling me that no one wants me
That I will never be enough
That no one cares
Telling me.. NO.. SHOUTING TO ME!
You're alone
No one cares
Worthless
Stupid
Alone
Alone 
ALONE
No one wants you here
Just die already
Die
Die
DIE
NO!....
Better yet, suffer
Torment yourself, your mind
Make yourself bleed
Make yourself live
Live in fear
Live in pain
Live in sadness
Live in suffering
So... I do
I watch myself bleed and bleed and bleed
I torment myself and I'm losing my mind

I'm fighting the demons
The demons in my dreams
The demons who come to take me
Come to kill me
Come for me
No.. Wait.. According to that demonic raspy voice..
It's not coming for me... It's coming for what's his
And i live in fear of that.
That I am his

I'm losing the fight
I'm about to surrender
I hold a knife to my chest ready
Ready to plunge it through my chest and to my heart
All to end it
But I don't
I drop it and cry
I have no hope anymore
No faith
I go numb
Blocking everyone and everything out
Even myself
I'm not myself anymore
I don't know who I am
Who am I???

Then.. It's done
I cannot recall it all but
A few years later and it's "done"
People have helped me back into the light
Back into sanity
Back to happiness and bliss
But still.. There always remains shadows
Always remains darkness
I fall back in from time to time
But i always make it out
The darkness tries to take my mind over
But I fight
I fight with the one thing I gained through it all
Hope
Hope that it'll all be ok
I fight with the one thing my friends gave me
Love
The love that lets me know that I'm not alone
Most importantly, I fight with faith
Faith that He will never forsake me
Will never leave me
Will never reject me
Will ALWAYS take me BACK
I win some battles
And I lose some

But I keep fighting

Because this is a war
A war for my mind

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741