Waistline
Location
When I was a 14
I went on a school trip
We ate dinner at a
Buffett, when I
Feeling full still
Walked up with my
Friend who didn’t want
To go alone, too afraid to
Go alone to get more
Because she was hungry
I was the one targeted
As a skinny boy screamed
In front of my entire year
“Megan, you’re going up
again?”
As if getting more food
Or the thought of me
Eating more made him
Sick to his stomach.
The thought of me,
A bigger girl at the time,
Actually eating made
It okay to ridicule me
To humiliate me in front of the class
I didn’t eat the next day.
The words running around
In my mind like a hamster
On a wheel
Never leaving always there
To whisper in my ear
“Are you really going to eat that”
When I pick up seconds.
The words made me hug
Myself tighter to squeeze
The fat in as a trying to fill the empty
void of myself
At 16 a tall boy looked at me, chuckling,
"I don’t date fat girls,”
Which would have funny at
The time if I realised
I neither asked him out
Or confessed I liked him
But the words stayed with
Me making me pretend to
Shrink back into my own
Skin, trying to disappear
Which I thought would be impossible for my size 10
I avoided mirrors like a
Plague and would rather
Exercise until I’m blue in the
Face then eat a half a cupcake,
My pointer finger became
My best friend.
The numbers written in
Stone and pounds became the
Enemy I not only meet with
Once a day but four or five times,
Scared to death
Running to jump on the scale
To see if I gained weight
From eating a simple meal.
This thought of mind is still,
With me as I have been told
I am beautiful but never
Believing it because of
The amount of fat
I can grab on my
Tummy.
Now I’m not blaming those boys
For what they did to me
I’m blaming myself because I
Listened.
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