When I was a 14

I went on a school trip

We ate dinner at a 

Buffett, when I

Feeling full still

Walked up with my

Friend who didn’t want

To go alone, too afraid to

Go alone to get more

Because she was hungry

I was the one targeted

As a skinny boy screamed

In front of my entire year

“Megan, you’re going up 
As if getting more food 

Or the thought of me

Eating more made him

Sick to his stomach.

The thought of me,
A bigger girl at the time,

Actually eating made

It okay to ridicule me

To humiliate me in front of the class
I didn’t eat the next day.

The words running around

In my mind like a hamster

On a wheel

Never leaving always there

To whisper in my ear 

“Are you really going to eat that”

When I pick up seconds.

The words made me hug

Myself tighter to squeeze

The fat in as a trying to fill the empty
void of myself
At 16 a tall boy looked at me, chuckling,
"I don’t date fat girls,”

Which would have funny at 

The time if I realised 
I neither asked him out

Or confessed I liked him

But the words stayed with

Me making me pretend to

Shrink back into my own 

Skin, trying to disappear 

Which I thought would be impossible for my size 10
I avoided mirrors like a

Plague and would rather

Exercise until I’m blue in the

Face then eat a half a cupcake, 

My pointer finger became

My best friend.
The numbers written in 

Stone and pounds became the 

Enemy I not only meet with 

Once a day but four or five times, 

Scared to death 

Running to jump on the scale 

To see if I gained weight 

From eating a simple meal.
This thought of mind is still,

With me as I have been told

I am beautiful but never 

Believing it because of

The amount of fat 
I can grab on my

Now I’m not blaming those boys

For what they did to me

I’m blaming myself because I

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