TW: Self harm and suicide mentioned

I don't even know if this is a poem. But I sent my friend a voicemail a couple of nights ago and listening to it as he replayed it for me i felt the need to type it out and see if anyone could relate to what i felt that night. 

"Hi ____, it's me. It is currently three sixteen in the morning, and even though I told you i was going to sleep at around eleven, I still have yet to actually close my eyes and rest, so im sorry for lying to you.

I dont even know why im sending you this, these aren't your problems to deal with, they are mine and mine alone. Also you probably won't even hear this until tommorow, but whatever.

So im lying in bed, obviously, and thinking about how i dont want to get up and go to school tommorow. And im lying here and crying and dreading making myself get out of bed before eight in the morning, when a realization hits me.

Its the realization that maybe its not the getting up and going to school part that im dreading, but its the waking up part at all. I dont want to wake up tommorow _____, I just dont think i can do it.

And it's not even that i want to kill myself, like other nights. I just want to not wake up tommorow. I'm so tired all the time and i dont think i can keep a straight face if another person asks me how i'm doing.

im drained from all the energy put into pretending im okay and making sure other people are okay and happy that ive just become numb. I dont even know if i want to feel anything again. I dont think so though. no, I know so. 

I guess the point that im trying to make is is that ive become a shell, and an empty one at that. I get up, I go to school, i come home, i got to work, i come back home. the cycle just keeps going and going, with me crying or staring at my ceiling until two or three in the morning. and, and i know that its me doing all these things, but its not me doing these things you know? i feel like im watching someone else from a third person perspective.

please dont worry though, thats not my intent. i just wanted to inform you that *I* am aware and coming to term with the fact that I am not okay. Im not going to do anything irrational. probably just *laughs* cry for another hour or so until i drift off. Goodnight, and sorry to bother you."

is it grammatically correct? no. but its real, and was hard to listen to again.