5:39pm

(10/01/2019)

why i got some many untitled poems ?

i think my emotions are getting ahead of me

this is no longer creativity

i’ve been feeling somethin strange for the past few weeks

or months or something

and my brain can’t catch up.

so, i'm stuck writing words

somehow they all different

but come from the same source.

i think i identified the source already

they told me what to do

the ones i trusted of course 

(“tell me is yo house a home?”)

but i was ignorant

and stubborn

so here i am 

2 weeks

couple days

into their advice and i still haven’t changed nothing

and still haven’t said anything positive.

even when i told you i had a headache

but i don’t know why i’m expecting sympathy

i don’t know why i expect anything.

you still stuck in something so deep that you don’t realize that if you sleep all day of course you’re going to be tired.

you gotta find a balance with sleep

just like you gotta find a balance with them drugs

just like you gotta find a responsibility because i need to know where you at

but i’m at

this stage

where i

don’t care

and it’s just reflexive that i check my messages for you.

i really don’t care what you’re doing

it’s probably illegal.

it’s probably something bad.

that’s why your car is wrecked.

hope my heart never gets that wrecked.

but as for this one, i don’t think it will.

maybe because i never felt for you

ion even think i felt for you in the beginning,

but we not gonna discuss that,

and we not gonna discuss lies,

and we not gonna discuss how your feelings were right

and i got defensive because you were right,

but had the wrong one.

but i knew what my defense was.

and i wish like i had told alex,

that you were playing me

and that you’re intentions weren’t the best

because then,

i think it would be way easier to be in this position 

in my position.