Until Then

I am...

I don't know.

For the longest time

The answer has been

I don't know.

Before I slipped off the edge of childhood

I didn't have a clue, I only had hopes

And then winds of time came

And I fell over the edge, believing half the way down

That this was part of growing up

After that, I knew nothing of confidence

Most days I tripped over my own feet

I allowed people to define me

I was nothing but pen and sheet

I could have walked across a continent

In sparkly shoes that didn't fit

And no one would have pointed out the fact

That my knees were shaking underneath my coat

Even now, they are always more inclined to ask

How I can walk so far, why can't they have my shoes?

And I cringe a little bit because

I don't know.

I am who I am today

Because I've stepped on myself so many times

I am who I am right now

Because I fell from the greatness of naivety

To the depths of my depression

Where there was only red

And from there I wiped my blade clean of my self-hatred

And I built myself up from the rubble that was me

When I surfaced I had forgotten who I was

Who I was without a cloud overhead

There is no word to describe me yet

I won't know until the sun isn't blinding

Until then

I don't know.


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