Not knowing what to do
Being utterly unable to push through
Seeing my goal slip past my hand
All my confidence slips by like sand
What do I do now?
Can I make every thing ok, how?
There are promises I wanted to keep
Things over which I never wanted to weep
But here I am again
Into the hole I have fallen.
So I do what I know, I pretend
It washes over me like an old friend.
I hide and I lie,
I also really try
To make what I put forth
all the pain worth.
But it does not come with ease,
And now I am begging on my knees.
Please don't make me explain,
Don't put me through this again.
I wanted to be better
You know, a regular go getter.
but I have failed once more.
And you can be sure
that I am harder on myself than any.
and if you want reasons I have many.
But mostly I am just scared,
but also fully prepared
to face up to what I did
for I could not match my bid.
So please don't yell,
because as I have tried to tell
I really wanted to be good.
and it is completely understood,
that what I did was bad.
so I ask you not to be mad.
I don't know how to carry on,
How to function is apparently beyond