I am a terrible person
I am selfish
Arrogant
Dishonest
Lazy
Prideful
I have hurt people before
I have let people down before
I have kept secrets that should have been out in the open
I have done things
I should have run from
I have made mistakes
So many terrible mistakes
I'm worthless
Rude
Pathetic
I hate myself

Many times
I have cut myself open
Trying to find the beauty the say lies beneath my skin
Hoping that somehwere in the blood
Was am answer to my problems
A key to the room
That would hold all of the tools
I would need
To fix myself

I have once lined little orange bottles
Along the side of a bathtub
Thinking I no longer deserved to be alive
In the process
Being self centered
Not thinking of what it was going to put my family through
Or my friends
Not thinking of the consequences my loved ones would have to pay
Because I didn't want too

What I didn't remember in this moment
Was that my God-
The same God
That created rainbows
And sunsets
And waterfalls
And Zach Efron

Says that I am beautiful
I am loved
I am for forgiven
And I am worthy

He hand-knit me in my mother's womb
Planned every tiny detail about me
Right down to the number of hair of my head

He knew who I was going to be
What I was going to grow into
He knew of my mistakes
And my sins
Yet he looked at me and said

"That's my daughter and I love her,"

It's the kind of unconditional love
No earthly being could feel for another
It's unwavering
Unfailing
Constant
Love

The love that caused him to send his son
To die for me
To suffer on a cross for me
So that I could one day join him in heaven
Even though I don't deserve it
Even though there is nothing I could possibly do to earn it
Not his love
Not his grace
Not his forgiveness
He gives it to me anyways
He stands with me
Walks with me
Holds me up when I am down
He believes in me
He has never left my side and never will
He is perfect
And I am so so broken
In a so so broken world
But again he loves me

How could I forget that?
How could anyone forget that?
My God has looked down at this world
And us people
Us murderers
And Thieves
And cheaters
And liars
And beggers
And haters

And has said that he loves us
Even though we have pulled so much crap
Said such horrible things
Done even worse
He has never left us
Never hated us
Or looked away from us

So I will fight not to look away from him
Because he is my rock
The God that created me
And loved me
And died for me
And he loves me
And so I love myself