Have you ever felt as if you could not take it anymore,

Like you were tired of trying to be okay

As if you trying to be happy and normal was like a daily chore.

 

Like when people constantly ask if you were okay

Even though you knew that you were not  you just put up a smile and nodded.

As if you there was only one reply you were able to say.

 

Have you ever felt like you were not able to trust anyone

You knew that you couldn’t trust even the ones that said they’d always be there for you

You knew if you were to tell them they would just up and run.

 

Have you ever gotten so tired of feeling that way that you just wanted to scream

That with all the sad and horrible things that had been going on.

You wanted to just wake up and find out it was all just a bad dream.

 

Even though you knew that it wasn’t a dream all of it was real.

You kept wanting to just be able to open up to someone.

To just know that you had one true person you could tell how you feel.

 

Tell them how you have felt as if you were trapped in your mind

How every time you tried to listen to it, it just told you that you were worthless

Each time you listened to it your happiness had declined.

 

You realized that as each day went by you were slowly running out of time.

You wanted to be able to say that each time someone asked you if you were okay you had lied.

Say that they only thing you were able to do is have down time.

 

You wanted to say that all you wanted to do is stop feeling sad

You wanted to be able to stop putting all of your energy into just being okay

How you felt as if being this way was the only thing you truly had.

 

You wanted to be able to tell them that each time they asked you if you were okay you broke inside.

How you tried to put up a strong happy face but all they had to do was ask you the right question and it would all come pouring out.

How each time you had lied, on the inside you slowly died.

 

How sometimes even when you knew you shouldn’t you just needed to be in a room by yourself.

To be able to keep the thoughts in your head down.

Because the thoughts could take you down by themself.

 

How you ever felt as if you were so sick of feeling so alone and so trapped

As if it was like you had so many things going on in your head you did not know what to do about it.

Like if you had to think about one other possible problem you might just snap.

 

You try to see what other people and the internet thinks you should do about it.

Yet the number one thing they say that they would do you know that you are not able to

They tell you to talk to some, yet you know that you would be so scared to truly admit.

 

They tell you to talk to people in your family, like your mother or even your step dad

You know what they would say to you about it, they would tell you to just grow up and get over your feelings.

You know that by talking to them that would just make it worse, it would make you mad.

 

What they might not understand is that there are a few words to describe the way you have been feeling.

You know that if you bring up the words they would tell you stop being so selfish so conceited

Which just proves to you the true reason in why you have always been so unrevealing.

 

They wouldn’t believe you if you told them you feel as if that is what is going on in your life.

There is a reason for this thought of theirs, they don’t believe that is real

They don’t understand that each time they have not believed in you it was like they were stabbing you in the back with a knife.

 

They don’t fully understand what it is, they don’t understand what it is like to live that way

To feel as if you are all alone even when you are surrounded by family and friends.

To want to see in full color but only able to see in black,white, and grey.

 

They don’t get what it’s like to try and fall asleep at night while thinking Is they really worth it

They don’t understand that each time they point out something small you did wrong it won’t be able to leave you mind for a while on.

They don’t get that it’s like wanting to start another relationship but being too afraid to fully commit

 

What they will never understand is that when they give us time to think you will always over think.

It’s is as if you are in a wide empty room yet you feel as if you are trapped in a small box

Yeah sure they begin to ask you where this is coming from since you always look and seem so happy.

What they won’t get is that what they see on the outside is not the same as what you feel in the inside.

Yeah sure we usually have a smile on our face when we are around people yet on the inside we’re crying

You are crying so much because it hurts, no matter what we show on the outside none of that is real, because on the inside we have already died

We have already ended our pain, now all we believe that we have to do is truly end

We believe that no one would really notice if we were gone

Maybe then we would not have to wake up and continue to defend

 

We wouldn’t need to fight away the pain and the dark thoughts in our head

All of the negative things we have been think throughout our past years

If we would not be here and be alive we wouldn’t have the day to dread

 

The past may not be able to be changed or may not be able to go back to but that doesn’t mean that we don’t remember the bad memory

All of the bad days during our life are still in our head and are not able to leave us alone.

Each time we are asked what happened in our life all we can remember the treachery