Trapped

Under a great weight as the walls collapse around.

The more I push the more they surround; throwing me to the ground.

I fight it, reality, but it’s creeping ever closer

stealing my air, tossing me like a roller coaster.

Parents that were too busy screaming,

seemingly,

didn’t have time to free me.

Who will listen when we are all good at telling-

each other what we do wrong

but not what we do right.

Stop!...

Don’t fight

Not here when others are so near.

Don’t make it so clear….

Sleepless nights wondering how long it would last this time

Eight. Nine….

Still nobody is home. I was alone. And thrown

into the role of an adult.

It just snapped one day, never to be the same.

It was broken. No fixing. Everything’s shifting.

When you’re the only one trying to keep a family together, you slowly bend; hoping it will end.

You bend with the weight of their problems on your shoulder. As you get older, the weight grows more, but colder.

They stack on one by one, your own and others.

Soon you are dragging your brother’s resentment for his dad

(the one who has given him all he had).

Your mother gambling so bad

Always getting mad

at a father who’s only concern is himself (and will do nothing to help).

What’s left to be felt?

 

A wall slams into place in front of you. No escape.

Turning to find a path, another drops down from space.

A betrayed friendship, another problem.

The other two sides have sealed

This can’t be real!

Falling to the ground as rain pours down. Digging to find your own way out. Water beginning to drown; you’re going under

Do you gasp for breath? No. Scream to the heavens like a crack of thunder

Letting all your anger go, feeling it flow

Screaming for all the problems that you hold

Ground is shaking,

Your body quaking.

I am angry.

I am angry that I had to grow up so quickly, looking back on it sickly.

I am angry that I put my trust out there and was cheated.

Defeated.

I am tired of broken promises and lies,

Doesn’t anyone see why?

I am drowning in problems and cannot escape.

Instead they keep piling on the weight.

As I push against the walls I scream.

For all the nights my parents didn’t care I was alone

The nights of an unanswered phone.

Each ring my heart sinking more.

For the ones who I called friends that I will never speak with again.

It’s all blasphemy.

I scream as I am crushed by the walls into insanity.

 

I am broken.

Shattered to pieces because no one was there to care.

I am alone.

Suspended in space

Doing tasks because I have to appear alive…

I am dead inside.

My life has destroyed me.

What is left is just what used to be.

A ghost wading through an empty house;

A shadow, afraid of itself.

Everyone smiles and plays nice. Their eyes cold as ice. It won’t suffice.

Why try anymore when there is no one else to care? Life is bare.

 

I am gone.

 

Awakened, only by the gentle touch of another wandering soul

A spark! In the darkness of my mind. Warming the cold.

It starts out slow, testing the waters, bringing back time.

Rapidly becoming a blaze, unwrapping the maze of my mind!

One touch…

One caring soul can mean the world.

I am not gone, only hiding,

Why hide anymore?

Why try to settle an old score?

 

Breath in confidence….Exhale despair

You’re not alone, they’re right there

Breath in forgiveness…exhale the blame

Life’s worth living, it’s not a game

Breath in renewal….exhale fatigue

There’s something new for you to see.

Happiness? It just might be!

 

 

I am what nobody expected;

Bursting with hope,

Forgiving those who remain in the past.

At long last I can lift the weight of life.

Toss it and let it go

And free myself from all my woes

I am what I make myself to be,

Nobody can shape me!

I will not bend.

I will not break.

For I am who I am with no blame.

I am STRONG for the weight I have sustained.

Trapped is not my name.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

Comments

Shanshangray

This is my first poem on this cite 

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