don’t-pick-up-the-phone-please-don’t

i know nana hates me for who i am
who i'm not. everything’s fine (except on holidays)
i see her and she asks How Have You Been
a half-hearted prayer to a god she knows well
(or at least claims to)

why-are-you-shopping-in-the-boy's-section-freak

nana i just want to feel comfortable in my skin
guess it runs in the family
mama and papa abandoned, forsook, gave me away
forfeiting their right to have any say
mama’s mama sends me a christmas card every year
signed with naught but her name
she pretends i don't exist (except on holidays)
 

accident-mistake-calamity-should've-been-aborted

i don't see mama and papa (except on holidays)
my nana broke her foot bike riding and she
had me sign the cast and i drew a serpent
shapeshifting into a flower
she called it beautiful, but i think she meant i was

gorgeous-girl-with-your-mask-full-of-war-paint

mama and papa love me no matter what,
but didn't love each other or me enough
to keep me; “unconditional” paradox
mama’s family doesn't include me
two perfect daughters i could never be

who profess their love like goneril and the like;

internally, i am cordelia (except on holidays)

did-you-tell-them-you're-trans-why-would-you-do-that

i'm sorry i'm sorry i already know you hate me
my grandmothers are in their graves
they're laughing because they're more real than i ever was
fever dream where everything’s fine (except on holidays)

the weight of a thousand full moons upon me
disjointed prayers to a god i don't know well
and a sense of catharsis:

this-too-shall-pass