Sometimes I can stand tall
I feel proud of who I am, and what I stand so tall for. (don’t shiver, don’t cry, show no weakness).
Yet now I can't do that, I don't feel that;
And all too soon I will forget that feeling, I have forgotten (I bow down in defeat).
I sit in the corner, hidden away
People step on me, but they don't see, don't care (Next time I will stand up. I will rise);
Their feet hitting my face, as I look up in hope, and my stomach.
And my toes numb from all the pressure (Sweating, nervous with raggedy breathe).
I lie awake at night, staring at my ceiling,
All different scenarios in my head.
Somewhere my pride wins, and some where they;
Get trampled on, so much I lie there lifeless (Why does my mind wonder? Why doesn’t it give me hope to breathe and actually feel confident?).
I awaken half asleep, my eyes swollen shut
Screaming at me to go to sleep, check out for the day,
My head soon agrees, asleep no pain, no feeling.
Yet I force my body to sit up and get ready (Today is the day... I won’t back down).
My day becomes an emotional train and a train wreck
My head fills with doubts and nightmares (Lying on the ground again, whimpering in loss)
Full of words spoken freely.. to freely.
Words thrown around, like no one is there (Keep the tears in, not one must escape).
Feelings not saved, not even protected.
I crumble just a little bit more, begging for it to stop,
To let the torture rest, even for just a minute to catch my breath.
But it never does, no feelings spared, not today, not ever.
So I come home broken in pieces. My hair and clothes in tatters,
Makeup all over my face and emotionless, robotic (Another day, I withdraw pushing those I love farther away from me).
Emotionless, sitting there, caring less and less about myself and more of what they they think.
Every day, just a little harder, a little worse, but I go and get up and let them (Will it ever end? Without confrontation? Or will one day I lose it and go all out instead of backing down?).