This will not be the first piece that I written on the topic that is,
YOU,
And I fear it’ll not be the last.
I want so bad to leave you behind,
Let you fade into the past like photos fade in time,
I wish you could stay behind the bars forever,
To have locks on your door like I have on my heart,
Having to call a number written on the back of your orange jumper,
Like I call out safe words when I lay in bed trying desperately to make love,
It has been a total of 3 and slightly more years,
And darling you STILL haunt my fears,
I have let you have entirely too much control,
Over where I go,
Who I see,
And when I see them,
Because I know there’s a chance,
Small but ALWAYS present,
That you could be talking with my friend around the corner,
From where I stand,
I have let you have too much control,
Of who I am,
And how I define myself,
I have been the girl who put you behind bars because I loved you,
I was the girl who still wants you,
But now I have come to see,
That honestly,
You don’t deserve anything of me.
That I don’t need this idea of you,
Still holding onto my heart,
Or holding on to the one thing I can’t get back,
Such a simple thing I thought was special,
And YOU!
You knew that!
Or at least I thought you did,
That the day behind the library,
Where we weren’t suppose to go that far,
I could have sworn I made clear,
That this,
Now meaningless title,
Was part of me and you were suppose to treat it with dignity,
I should have known,
But I can’t blame myself for not seeing,
That you were the bad news daddy called you,
That all you were after,
Was the parts of that lay between my legs,
Not the piece that when you were around would flutter and bang against the cage that is my ribs,
You never really meant anything you ever said,
Did you care if I wore makeup?
Or were the words, “you don’t need that stuff,” just more lies?
If you had told me that you would have loved me forever if I did something I knew was wrong….
Wait…
You did!