I don't have the words anymore.
They escape my mind as freely
As they once rolled off my tongue.
I don't know what happened
But somewhere between then and now
You took my whole world and flipped it
You made me scared of myself
Collecting dust on your trophy shelf
And the truth is, I don't like heights.
And I'm so mad at me.
You see, I promised myself
That I wouldn't let you get too close
But it seems you were always there
The sounds that lived in my throat
Bore a nametag different than my own
The gap between my thought and my words
Begged to be resewn
Until every original thought that I mustered
Grew to be an echo of you
Until they grew distant....
I try to put myself in a place
Where I thought that trusting you was a good idea
I try to imagine what I was thinking
And it comes down to this simple fact:
You were my second skin,
But in the same way, a wool turtleneck sweater
Strangles you and is, for lack of a better phrase,
The discomfort settles deep in the soles of my feet,
Another way, I suppose,
You kept me from running
This feeling of fear, betrayal, suppression,
Only goes down as far as my fingertips
Because my legs are paralyzed at the thought of being alone
Someone once told me that you
Can sweet talk a woman
And she'll write you a poem.
(I guess this isn't what you imagined.)
The other part of that saying is
That if you write a woman a poem,
She'll act sweet with you until
Every goosebump stands on its end
And shouts, "Hallelujah!"
But you never took the time
To take the time it takes
To win my heart
You're a thief, a rat, a scandal
Revising the writing on the walls
Like a vandal
But it's not your place and you know it.
I've told you innumerable times
That you have to go
And this time, it isn't just because
Daddy's coming home and
I don't want him to know
I'm sorry dear, but it's time to reap just what you've sown
And I've been growing secrets of my own
It's time this bird has finally flown
Because I am a queen, ascending my new throne
And my roots are getting deeper
The soil is my heart's new keeper
Because dirt never stops you from developing
Even though it's all enveloping
And I'm tired of this ryhme
But this is how I hold up my sign
To the world and say:
"What's up? I'm okay!"
And I'm okay alone.
I don't have all the words anymore
But they're starting to come back
Each day, a little stronger than
The one before it, and
Although I'm not ready to hop in my car
And floor it
I'll do my best to see what I can do
I'm driving away, living for today
And eventually, I'll look myself in the mirror
And truthfully say:
"You never got the best of me;