I tuck my sadness into bed

Maybe when I wake up,

Things won’t be so bad

 

Don’t turn back

Don’t forgive me

 

I want to lay for hours on a hill

Let the bugs and sun crawl over me

Maybe years will pass

I’ll become one with the grass

And those flowers that you love,

tulips, will blossom from my body

 

I tell myself that I did what was best

But if that was the case

I wouldn’t feel a constant tearing in my chest

 

I am still

I am quiet,

Complete opposite of the wind

When will I be okay again?

 

I talk to the trees

They’re wise with years of experience

They’ve grown to be my best advisors

Although our relationship can be one sided

They listen and somehow

I feel less alone in a forest than in a crowd of my oldest friends

 

I lied and I hurt you

This has been admitted several times

 

I didn’t want to hurt you

By doing what was supposedly best

I did what I swore I’d never do

Your heart is cracked, walked on and neglected

Like an old city sidewalk

This is my fault

I revisit this guilt daily

 

My apologies are worn out,

worthless

 

 

It’s time to find that patch of grass,

On a hill, in a ditch, at the top of a mountain

Let nature bury my mistakes,

All that I am

And turn it into something lovely, something worthy

Eventually you'll forgive me

But don't forget me

I was a lesson

 

• S.W.