Thoughts
Somehow I always end up failing.
No matter how hard I try there is always something
Something that prevents the desired outcome i always hope for
I've always had this problem
Not being able to talk right
So I practice
And it's dorky
But it helps
It helps me to think things through
And sometimes leads to success
But failure is always
Lurking behind the corner
There's always the possibility
That I could lose someone
Someone important to me
And it scares the butterflies out of me
That one time
I'll mess up and lose one of the most important people in my life
So i'm always drowning
Drowning in the fear of making a mistake
But always swimming
Swimming toward one day being able to speak professionally
But other social interactions provide
Other opportunities for failure
I have never known what's right
And what's wrong
And I'm scared I'll lose people because of that too
I honestly don't know what to think about all my fears
Some say they are wrong
That the people who mind don't matter
But what if they do
What if they matter for a reason that makes sense only to me
Others will say that my fears are legitimate and that I should learn to be socialble
But I have been trying for sixteen years
And it just doesn't happen
Thunder rolls
And lightning flashes
Rain pours
But all i hear
Is the sound of my voice
Trying to drown my fears