"kaylin" they say

"she" they say

"girl" they call me

for as long as i can remember i

have never

felt

right.

pretending, posturing, deceiving, decaying decoy from the inside out, the girlchild

that is me.

cracks in the surface of my world painted over with blush and eyeshadow.

fling myself from cliffs and land tattered,

get up and run towards the next,

knowing i won't fly.

shattered broken girlhood, i drop it from my hands

as i learn the word

transgender.

it is a moment of shift.

upheaval uprising in silence and steady rightness and stillness as the world

goes wholly

soft.

leap from the cliffs and float gently down, 

landing whole,

colors exploding from the ground.

i am a giant, a colossus, a warrior coming into his right. 

"niko" i say

"he" i say

"nonbinary" i call myself

and slowly

so 

slowly

they call me

"he"