United States
44° 44' 59.0388" N, 93° 11' 52.9908" W

I refuse to inflict pain,
But I simply want to feel.
I want the hurt to end,
But the pain comes back again.

There are healthy ways to deal,
I know.
But the temptation is so strong.

The blade is in my hand,
The pills are on the stand.
I still just want to feel.

I wish I could just cry sometimes,
But crying does no good.
When the tears are all no more,
All that’s left is a small weak girl.

God wills me to put it all down.
To pick up a pen,
And pick up some paper.

I write down my feelings,
In line and verse form.
It’s a healthy way to deal.



So this is my entry into the Why I Write slam, but I have another poem titled "Why I Write". I feel like this captures more of the emotion than the other. I use poetry, and writing in general, to process my emotions from a bad day. It's a healthy way to deal with my depression. I've never actually cut or attempted suicide, but I've had a knife in my hand, ready to cut. I've very seriously thought about suicide. Not many people know that about me. But I want to get the word out that there are healthier ways to deal with everything a person may or may not be going through.

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741