Lips too thin,

Nose too big,

Eyes too small,

Face too fat,

Tell me I’m pretty.

 

Eyelashes not long enough,

Breasts not perky enough,

Cheekbones not high enough,

Skin not smooth enough,

Tell me I’m pretty.

 

Butt: flat,

Waist: nonexistent,

Legs: short,

Thighs: touching,

Tell me I’m pretty.

 

Weight lost,

Makeup caked on,

Skirt snug,

Shirt tight,

Now, tell me I’m pretty.

 

Envious stares,

Lust-filled leers,

Basking in the attention,

“Desperate. Disgusting. Whore.”

A falter in my step,

No, tell me I’m pretty.

 

Judgmental gazes,

Wretched sneers,

Whispered lies silence the unspoken truth.

“Ratchet. Skank. Slut.”

No, I’m beautiful! I’m flawless! I’m who you want to be!

So tell me I’m pretty!

 

Hair too dull,

Teeth too crooked and yellowed,

Ribs: visible,

Waist too thick,

Thighs not thin enough,

Cheeks not hollow enough,

Will declining, spirit shattering, heart bleeding.

It hurts.

Blackened tears ooze down sunken flesh and trace the outline of bone.

No one will tell me I’m pretty,

Because I’m not.

 

Internal death,

External decay,

End the pain.

Handful of pills,

End the pain.

Bottle of hard liquor,

End the pain.

And a bathtub filled with water.

It’s time to end the pain.

 

I’m not pretty.

But, my death will be beautiful.

Still.

Surrounded by Mother Nature’s sweet nectar.

I’ll be ethereal.

And when I pass, my guardian angel will be waiting for me.

Waiting to make it all better,

By telling me what everyone is too jealous to admit,

By telling me I’m pretty.

 

Heart slowing,

Pulse fading,

Body submerging,

Spirit ascending,

Door rattling,

Water splashing,

Limbs seizing,

Brief darkness,

Euphoria.

 

Senses returning,

Pain.

Sirens blaring,

Light scorching,

Weightlessness.

Look up to see my angel,

Reach up,

Touch my angel’s face,

Perfection.

 

Open mouth

And choke on my own blood.

I’m sorry you have to see me like this.

This isn’t beautiful.

But, bear with me please.

Please.

 

Strength diminishing,

Panic.

Look at me.

Turn your perfect face my way.

Yes, that’s it.

Now, make it all better please.

Now, “tell me I’m pretty.”