He keeps me safe

I trust him because I fear him

And he’s all I need and more

He has a power over me he can’t control

He makes the birds sing

The worms are smile

There are maggots in my hair and under my nails

Mice crawl through my clothes

And it’s more than I could have ever needed

He’s a dream, a fantasy

He keeps me safe

Without him I won’t be able to stand

He soothes my child

I lie here unable and unconscious

He gets to her before I can

Before I ever could

I fear him because I trust him

I want him to teach her to trust him too

He picks up my legs

And carries me to a beautiful place

Lays me where I can breathe

With blue sky and no rain

He fills my mouth with sand and dirt

I don’t need to speak when he’s with me

When he’s taking care of her

When he’s keeping her company

My child doesn’t need to know me

She needs HIM

He keeps her warm

He keeps her fed

The crows gather

The coyotes howl

They want to feast on my wasting body

My final request

I let slip out of my lips

No more than a whisper

“Listen

She can tell you want she needs”

Vines grow around my arms

Pulling me into the earth

“Take my place and help her grow

Let her die when her time comes

And lay her in my arms”

All this I mutter before the earth takes me home