Staying Afloat

We're swimming around in the pool full of trust

And baby, we're sinking.

You're grabbing my waist & leading me deeper

Into dreams that you never intend to pursue

While I'm reaching for the floats of common sense.

You tell me not to worry because

You know how to tread through waters like these.

But see, this pool of trust is full of issues

But I follow you anyway. I follow.

And as good as your back stroke looks & your waves may sound,

Its nothing new to me.

Lies are nothing new to me. Pain is nothing new to me.

But it still stings because its never easy.

Fixing up a scarred knee was easy. Trust? You cant fix that.

Sure the soft spoken words can soothe it

But the damage is done, left for another soul to tip-toe around

Until they realize that they're not getting paid

To listen to another one of your "you're just like the rest" speeches.

Its not their job to deal with a heart that they did not break.

Wait. Let's just take a break.

Let's take a break from the word "bae" if you're using it full-time with someone else

Because its all becoming too cliché.

What's becoming cliché is me diving head first w/ you in this pool holding hands

And getting out w/ regret & disappointment dripping off me.

Someone, PLEASE give me a breath of fresh air

Because I've been swimming for months

But all I seem to encounter are raging hormones & sweet words.

Words like, "Baby, there's nobody else".

Well I learned at the age of 13 that the wrong words mean nothing

But the right words mean the world & you were saying all the right things

So sweetheart please! Please tell me you're ready to show me off to the world,

Or maybe I'll just stay put in the shadows that you've so carefully hid me behind

While you pose for the cameras with someone more appealing.

Is it my size? Would you like me more if I had a little more thighs with some light brown eyes?

Is it my hair? If I changed it around, would you then care?

I find myself taking one last look in the mirror for someone who will never care.

He said he would, but I know better--he'll never be there.

You dont know how delicate my stroke has become.

With every mistake & heart break, my arms get weaker

Until I find myself drowning in this pool of trust

While you paddle to someone else's lagoon

Leaving me to recover without a look back.

I won't pursue you. Not this time. I won't give you the best of me anymore.

You dont get that privilege.

Because you see, in order for me to do that I would have to make an effort

And I've put in enough of that.

One look at another pretty face

And that 50/50 effort in the relationship easily ends up being 55/45.

But that won't happen anymore because my trust can't handle much more.

My trust can't handle anymore of me screaming in his ear

That I want to see any sign of difference

But he still is deaf to the desperation in my voice.

Who am I even screaming at anymore?

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741