Always

Looking over my shoulder,

Checking my pulse,

Fighting, fighting, fighting

The panic

Until I am afraid

Of my own fear.

Appear calm,

Inside I am screaming,

There is something wrong there must be something

Wrong.

Deep breaths and

Racing heart and

Trembling hands,

All in my head.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Feel the heart beat like a runaway train and

Apply the brakes.

You know it’s in your head.

Every day

Fighting, fighting, fighting

The panic.

Anxiety may live inside my mind but

It will not own me,

I will not be crushed

Under the weight of

My own fear.

An internal  battle.

I gain the upper hand,

Convince myself there’s nothing

Wrong but

A whispered doubt cracks the façade and

There is something wrong there must be something

Wrong.

Stop.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

And forge ahead.