The Spectacular Now

"I love you, sweet heart"

No, you wanted me.

"You're my little girl"

No, I was your toy.

"I didn't hurt you"

Yes, you did. 


"You're such a spaz"

I'm sorry, I just get excited.

"F*** off, just f*** off"

All I wanted to do was help.

"I don't like you anymore"

What did I do wrong?


You are not loved

You are not wanted

You are not beautiful

You are nothing


I am nothing...

It ricochets in my mind 

The pain of it strangles my soul

Until I can no longer breathe--

Hope is lost in my smothered breath.


I put up my front

I say that I am happy

I say that nothing is wrong

But all I am doing

Is darkening their eyes 

To the truth


I do cry

I do feel pain

I struggle every day

To get up in the morning

And say "I can do this"


I want them to see 

That I can love 

Because I have been hurt

That I can laugh

Because I have known great sadness

That I can live 

Because I know what it is like

To feel



I want to shout from the rooftops

"My past does not define

who I am right now" 

I am no longer bound to the chains

Of my misfortunes and lables


In this now,

This spectacular now,

I am a girl 

Who rejoices willingly, freely, openly

Who delights in guiding the colors

On a canvas

Who loves being captured 

By every story read

That is me


Here I am 

Standing before the window of 

My soul

I can almost feel

The thick curtain veiling 

Who I am


I grasp it 

I tear it down--

Hiding is no longer an option

It is time to be me 

The real me


And live in 

The spectacular now.




Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 


Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.


If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741