I have a lot to say

But if I speak, 

I think I'll go astray.

 Like those poor young soldiers 

fighting a rich man's war

in the Congo bushes.

I'm fed up with all the shushes. 

So let me speak

because silence isn't golden

Let me speak of the tribulations life done gave me, 

before insanity befriends me.

Let me reminisce 

back to the time when my mom and dad tried giving me a world of milk and honey, 

but as I felt him inside of me, 

my whole world turned into shadows of darkness and his word I recall as he whispered, "Scream or die, kiss me back like I'm kissing you." 

I reckon he thinks he's a man when his reflection he sees in the obtaining mirrors. 

Let me reminisce 

When my bones had no meat,

 and when blood in my veins dried up slowly

 for the lack of water. 

Or when my handmade wood bed 

welcomed my growling stomach and gave it rest. 

I wonder if my bed ever thought I'd wake.

Let me speak 

Since fear used to be my remedy. 

Don't worry I'll fly through this like it's a stand up comedy.

Let me reminisce 

I lost what I loved due to tuberculosis,

 a deadly disease that money could have cured. 

But money was no where to be found. Little brother, 

I'm sorry. I never went to your funeral.

 I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye. 

Alvis Rashidi, I love you and I miss you. 

Let me speak 

Before my dying days gives me a quick visit, 

or before my resentment eats my flesh up to skeletons. 

Before time becomes my enemy, 

and before the sound of tik tok explodes my brain cells.

As time's still my friend

I still remember the day that sirens

 didn't seem to be the rescue sounds no more.

When Kwazulu Natal was my home back then. 

Where I first seen blood flood in harmony. 

Just down the block from my house 

Pow! Pow!

The girl was down, rape gone bad. 

The fresh air I stood outside the balcony seeking for 

turned into fresh reality, 

eyes opened wider.

Scrutinize my brain! There's something wrong with it. 

Or is it just the dark souvenirs my memories gave me to keep. 

Let me speak, for I'm heavy loaded with a burden that's not mine to carry no more

No, not anymore.

Let me reminisce

When a dreadlock rasta stole my heart

And had me twisting Sade’s words from 

“You show she how deep love can be.” to 

“You showed me how deep love cuts the hear.”

I cherished the days I spent with him, just like

Malaria cherished the days it ate up his guts.

Love in Malaria times.

Let me breathe

Let me speak or forever my words I will swallow back

Back to the time when giving wrong answers in class

tattooed scars on my back, 

or arriving late after walking miles bare foot.

I still remember the tasteless wheat porridge fed to us

for breakfast and lunch in Tongogara Primary school.

I’m sorry, did I pour fuel to the fire yet? 

And as I spit these words

the burdened part of  me is free

So let me speak 

and let the black butterfly in me perish

so that the white butterfly can flourish.