I lack the wisdom to survive these waters...

My life... was a cycle

I drift on a pale blue raft into a black abyss

My mental complex intrigues me

Allowing me to watch and observe

The proximitive and distant things around me yet

I lack the wisdom to survive these waters...

 Watch as I reign from my throne of scorn Scrounge up my impatience Mix it with present frustrations And let it exhaust into the atmosphere Watch me suffocate and faint  Then watch the woman resuscitate me Tend to my wounds  As the exposure to my own toxicity nearly kills me That woman is my mother Though I don't say it much she knows that I love her  And despite her constatnt words of warning, watch as I drown because  

I lack the wisdom to survive these waters...

Watch as I claw at the waves of anxiety  And lose my mind to the crash of them ashore Watch my limbs flail! Listen to my lungs wail! Only later to witness them fail! In those moments look into my mind  Witness the personification of my trangressions You can see it can't you?! Polluting my mind! Blinding my eyes! Infecting the marrow in my bones! Go Ahead! Watch me bleed imperfection! Watch my hair fall out, my teeth rot! My breath the scent of dead flesh from gnawing at my fingertips to the bone! You see it don't you?! The soul of a bad man! Mad man! Ungrateful,impatient, pessimisstic black man! And the toxic remains of my brain form a mask  As my feeble mind attempts to hide the scared exterior  Of my exemplified, personified, dying potential! Then STOP! Imagine my breath... My lungs as the cling to oxygen in distress... My grotesque bodily excess... Then you came in the picture You watched me drift into the abyss Sent angels to save me from demons in my midst Then snatched me from an ocean of emotions  As my mind went through the motions Yet at your touch...  You broke the cycle My skin singed the black shell off  And my mask... I could see the remains falling into the water My eyes lit up as my life multiplied by ten fold And in that moment I was reborn Surrounded by the ash of my past offenses... "What is this?" That was the question I asked Then I heard your voice In whole hearted simplicity You uttered the word: Love Something so potent  It penetrates the physical realm And taps into the very essence of existence  Then my porous mind recalled a verse my mother told me I didn't know the book or the verse but the words... the words... "God is Love" I lacked the wisdom to survive those waters Love gave me a raft