sometimes i can't

sometimes…

sometimes i am not asleep

i just can’t get out of bed

i lay there motionlessly and pretend that i cant hear you come in

feign deadness to the sound of everyone in and out and in and out

slamming the door

stomping around.

i’m not proud…

sometimes i lie here for hours.

sometimes i lie here for days.

motionless. careful to breathe evenly.

in

out

deeper

not that deeply

how do we even sound when we are asleep?

hopefully no one can tell the difference.

i know i know.

more exercise.

i know i know.

direct sunlight

shower more often

wear nicer clothes

go somewhere

smile until i feel happy

everyone gets sad sometimes.

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