Something About Fear

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I'm pushed around by a big mean kid, the bully of the playground

In my mind that kicks and hits and spits about the bits and pieces of me,

Once standing so tall, now a pile of self-loathing fragments, the kind that aphall

The ignorant mind of the unsympathetic,

"Get it together!", "You're doing this for attention!"

"Suck it up!"

"You're no better than the bully you lie for, a mat on the floor fit for nothing more

Than to store the traces of her footsteps!"

And sure,

There's others, and they'll emplore, "We must do something more!"

"Call the cops, file a report!" but alas,

The weak shall not prevail for I would have her put away, but I'm afraid to go to jail

For the twist in the story, the sickness of the tale is that while I try and I try, I'm doomed to fail

Because they can't see, won't believe when I relay my situation,

That the bully of me is me,

That I'm the one throwing myself on the concrete, hurling rocks, calling names, beating,

But I find that me retreating

When I try to use my words to show the whole world that she's real, and how I feel,

Because I feel her, and it hurts and it burns, and as I live and breathe, I learn

That her monument is more than the bruises on my skin,

The ache and the yearn

For a time when I was her and she was me, when it was unheard of

For one to strike the other, when we held hands and smiled and cried together,

One unit, the birds of a single feather,

When I was whole and could reach for the Heavens, before I pulled me into the nethers

Of my darkening mind, below the storm clouds, leaving behind

Not a picture, not a trinket, not a trace of that time

For evidence is damning, and surely I'd find

Myself scheming and planning to cllmb

Out of this hole and become whole again,

But I'd have nothing but my own weight on my shoulders,

And nowhere to let it go,

So I'd succumb into the blackness,

Sink back into my hole,

And all the while,

I'd be watching from afar, door barely ajar,

Peeking in to see my me nurse my own scars,

And I'd pray to the stars, "God, heal my heart,

Open these curtains, that the light may repel the dark,"

For I know somewhere deep down that there really is a part

Of me that wants to see me fly, reach the sky, exceed it,

Latch onto clouds drifting, dreaming,

But the truth is that the darkness is tired of being alone,

So it crepts into my bones,

Decided it'll stay,

Weight me down, split me, pit me against me and

Forge reality its way,

So that despite how long I pray,

The curtain will never open, but I promise I'll keep hoping

That somehow, someway, I'll live see the day

Where I can open it myself

And finally watch me fly away.

 

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Comments

savigirl14

OMG this poemis unforgettable there is just so much emotion you put into this poem keep writing

hannah.parsons.77

Aaaw, you made me feel so happy!  I didn't think anyone would ever read this, it was a scholarship submission!

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