In the winter,

him and I would drive to the water,

where the ocean’s echo kept us from exchanging the strongest whispers.

He screams.

“when are you going to start your own family”

Midst the December gloom on our skin,

our breaths spiraled our futures in the air.

He reaches for the cold sand

and watches the wind whistle it away,

as I looked past the water.

Family meant always staying together

And all the family we had

were a family of seashells

the ocean

our best friends,

and I guess our moms and dads

But ever since we moved away

the promise for togetherness

seems like a promise

only ever made.

Because these days

I find parts of myself turning invisible.

Slowly becoming see-through

as I join in groups

and share drinks

then spike my drink with my dreams

thinking, “Here’s to new beginnings.”

Warm memories with strangers that slide down my throat

I Go home.

Find a quote that I like

feel it spearfish me out of the ocean I’m drowning in,

thinking I’ve been lifted,

I’ve been lifted,

while I’m just searching for warm chests to hide in.

See everyone talks about being homesick like it’s something that’ll go away

but being homesick is also

feeling like a stranger in your own home.

Being brave enough to reach for things that

Just end up going through you.

Family has never felt so far away

And as we sit together in our Toyota 1998,

where stories were made,

I’m smoke and he’s my buddy that never got away.

My vision blurs to tomorrow.

When he might turn to god

as a friend.

But when he reaches to touch a strangers skin

God would say no,

not seeing that

it’s scary being alone,

and so we do things like hold someone’s hand we hardly know.

While the stranger reaches for your arm

under the stars

little known all the scars

running up your red back.

See some

in loneliness

sleep with a beautiful curvy glass bottle in-between their arms.

Some sleep with their old stories

Woven.

And once ago we drove to where the water starts.

But now these empty bottles,

empty of promises I Clench so hard

shatter in the morning.

Here,

here we are broken into pieces.

We are separated,

lost as we stumble and fall

into the arms

of someone new