Smoke and Mirrors

Abrasive and Bawdy,

Calamitous, Determined, Explosive, Fun, Gaudy.

At first glance I am so self-assured, 

My innermost feelings safely obscured

My iron will matches my iron wall, 

Constructed so carefully to keep others unaware

Where they see me as able to conquer all

Inside I am lonely, scarred and scared.

If they were able to see

The mangled soul within me, 

They would fantasize and ponder, 

Criticize and wonder,

Crushing what remains of my heart

As they tear my fragile feelings apart.

I keep up this curtain not for me, but for the others;

This mask hides my face so the one beneath does not bother

The people around me, whose untouched lives are so sensitive

They can barely say they've begun to live. 

The blades that caused the scars are long distant memories

But the pain they created left a deep melencholy feeling.

Underneath all the showiness, the glitz and the pretend,

I'm broken, bitter, barely breathing,

And I begin to wish for the end.

I make people laugh so I do not cry, 

I make sure I seem strong so no one asks why. 

Alone and Betrayed, 

Caught and Destroyed and Engraved, 

Pay no attention to the girl behind the curtain.

That girl is small and pale, and weak ;

She will collapse from terror soon for certain.

Look instead at the facade in front of you,

Standing in splendor and glory and health

She is the one everyone knows they prefer to view;

So it is with great pleasure that I remain trapped in my happy shell. 

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