My smile is the mask that I use to hide my loneliness

As my smile rises, the curtain that hides my suffering falls

 

Ask my friends and they will say, “He’s a riot, with the biggest grin ever.”

Ask my professors and they will say, “Never does he enter my room without a smile on his face.”

Ask my family and they’ll say, “He smiles because he has accomplished so much.”

Ask my girlfriend and she will say, “I’m the reason he smiles.”

If you ask me I’ll say, “I smile because my life is fantastic.”

 

However if you ask my smile why he comes out day in and day out the story changes

My smile would tell you that his main existence is it to hide the loneliness that over burdens me

He would tell you that despite all the loving people around me, I still feel alone

He would tell you that this mask has always been and has no birth certificate

He would tell not to ask anymore…… because you‘ll never understand

 

The joy on the curvatures of my smile shields me

Shields me from being probed about the turmoil of the anguish in my soul

I fortify my true self with the mirage of a happy life

All the while the castle within remains barren and desolate

The consolations from others echo between my ear drums but never penetrate my mind

 

My glee is an illusion. My laugh is unfounded. When I smile, my eyes squint to keep the tears from pouring out. I hide behind curtains and in a smoke of happiness. Life has become a constant fight to keep this smile raised as a flag of my joy with life.  Relationships are a means to treat my loneliness but never a cure. 

My pain cannot be explained or articulated, only felt

 

As my smile rises, the curtain that hides my suffering falls

My smile is the mask that I use to hide my loneliness