Silent Weeks

There are times at night when i look at the stars and i wish that you will come and never go away. Even they laugh at me saying that there is no such a thing, that once you leave you won't come back to me.

What am I supposed to do if I can't even close my eyes at night without seeing your face? What am I supposed to do if everyone else is lioving a happy life and with me that's not the case?

I remember once you said, yes i remember word per word, that you loved me more than air. And I remember all those kisses, and your touch... the touch that left me without warnign and disappeared and it wasn't fair.

No, it wasn't fair to let me fall into the depths of your act and the depths of the heart i thought you had, only to find out there was no such heart and there was no such person. That's when i realized that you had lied.

And here you have me. Down and broken, wishing upon a star. You have me, that's the worse part because you don't deserve me and I want to hate you but those kind of feelings can't seem to grow roots in my heart. And i'm falling apart.

It's a repetetive question in my head, "How can a soul that seemed so benevolent truly be sp baleful and gross?" Why can't people be human and good at their most?

Maybe if I find the answer to my questionsmy world will lose its spin, but the answer is what I live for now. This is no true or false quiz. I don't want to have to chose again because if I did I would fall into trap and say I chose you all over again. And what good would that be? What good?

My heart has almost got no beat and I know that it is ridiculous but this is no joke. This is no sappy, cheesy, all American girl heartbreak story. No. This is the saddistic truth behind it all. After your heart has been broken, there is no glory.

I'll act like I hate you from now on just to prove a point that does not exist. Yes, i'll act like I hate you and i am strong, like there are others with whom I will move on... but there's not. And it's a phase. I'll grow it out. I'll get over it. I'll make it work like the universe makes the inexplicable amounts of galaxies function.

For now I'll just go home and lay on my bed and cry because for now all that makes sense is wanting you back and thinking it might be worth a try to fight for you.

But it's not.

And I'll accept it because you're gone now. And I'm done. Just give me a couple of weeks and you will see that like a child i will go back to playing. Just give me time. Just give me time and i will be back on my feet. For now All i need are some silent weeks.


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