A Shiny Button, or The Inner Workings of Somebody with a 3rd Grade Literacy Level and Too Much Power
Good Morning!
It's a sunny day. I jump out of bed, eat breakfast, and put on my clothes for the day.
Then, I sit down at my favorite chair and think.
I don't wanna go do things today. I wanna stay in my room!
My room is nice!
It's got a big bed, and a Big Mirror, and a BIG TV
and nobody yells at me in my room.
When I watch TV, I can watch my friends!
They talk, and they like me.
But my friends aren't on every channel.
On other channels, people are mean, and they shout, and they say words that I've never heard before.
I don't like these channels.
A voice calls my name. I have to go when a voice calls my name, or else the voice gets louder and madder.
I stand up from my favorite chair and walk over to the secret room.
I'm not allowed to tell anyone what we talk about in the secret room.
Grownups are in the secret room, and they talk about confusing stuff.
I don't really like the secret room, becasue all the grownups talk really fast, about confusing things, and they all turn to me.
They all wanna see what I think about the confusing things.
I try really hard to think of what to say, but I wasn't really listening.
I was thinking about the breakfast I had this morning.
It was pancakes,
and syrup,
and sausage,
and bacon,
and eggs,
but I only ate the white parts because the yellow parts are yucky.
I wanted a waffle, but I was full.
I also had apple juice,
and milk,
and then another apple juice.
I like apple juice the best, because it's sweet and not like orange juice.
Orange juice is yucky, and
"...Mr. President, we need an answer."
I was not listening.
So I ask,
"An answer about what?"
"Soleimani, sir. We have his coordinates, and we have reason to believe that he's starting to
become an issue that we will need to resolve. We could either wait until his intentions become
more clear, or we could launch a pre-emptive strike, so we don't have to play catch-up."
Hm.
I don't know anyone named Sooly Monny. Maybe he's one of those mean people on TV.
And, I wanna play catch-up. Recess is great, and it comes right after lunch.
I wonder when lunch is.
I hope it's soon.
I say,
"Well, what are our options?"
"As I said, sir, we could respond after Soleimani begins the rollout of his plans concerning the United States,
or we could launch a pre-emptive strike on his current location, stopping the affair right here and now."
"I like the sound of the second one. How would we do that?"
"We have a team of fighter jets waiting to be scrambled. They could be wheels-up in ten minutes."
"What kind of fighter jets?"
"Raptors, sir."
"Ooh, Raptors! Cool. Let's do it."
I see a shiny button, red and glowy.
The TV in the secret room is Big, but not as big as the one in my room.
It's showing some gross little building in black and white.
Letters are around the outside of the building,
the time,
and the date,
and other numbers, too.
"They're waiting for you, sir."
I point at the button.
"I just... Push the button?"
"Yes, sir."
The meeting ends with all the grownups in the room standing up when I leave.
It's funny, they stop talking when I leave.
Maybe they stay in there, quiet until I walk in, then they all start talking loud.
I giggle, thinking about that.
Then, James brings me McDonalds for lunch.
I like McDonalds, and I was just thinking about how much I wanted lunch.
I thank James, and then I have lunch.