A small town near the ocean is what I first called home.
I remember my mother, my sisters, and my father.
I remember the laughter & cheer, the fights & tears.
I remember father.
I remember never fully understanding why he left,
Or why my mother insisted we were better off.
An island in the ocean is where my father was born.
He remembers his mother, his siblings, and his father.
He remembers constantly moving & constantly having to meet high standards.
He remembers his father.
He remembers his father's last breath & words,
Whispering to him that he wishes he was there more.
My father consumed his first piece of poison when he was 18.
It took over his body, his mind & eventually his life.
It affected everything he did, including how he loved his family.
My mother also grew up on an island in the ocean.
She remembers working endlessly to please her parents, her family & her God.
She remembers falling short when having my older sister & becoming a single-mother.
She remember eventually meeting my father & falling in love.
She remembers going to the hospital on their wedding night,
Because my father couldn't help but consume his poison once again.
My parents moved to a small town near the ocean.
They remember struggling with the language barrier, but making the best of their situation.
They remember going to church & trying to work on their differences.
They remember having their first child together, me.
They remember having their second child together, my younger sister.
My family lived at a small town near the ocean.
We remember seeing my father struggle with his demons.
We remember visitng my father constantly in rehab.
We remember when my mother had enough, & when she told him to leave.
Growing up in a small town near the ocean,
The waves became a calming sound.
They were especially calming as I grew up & began understanding my youth more.
I began to understand my mother, my father, my family.
I hated my father for a long time,
But over time I have learned to forgive.
Hatred is a draining emotion, & doesn't have any power except that of anger.
I grew up & realized that I was not to blame for the decisions my father made.
I grew up & made the best of my own situation, because I am not my father,
& my fathers decisions do not control me.
I learned to understand. I learned to open my mind.
I learned to think before reacting. I learned to claim my own.
I learned to not take things for granted, & to keep moving forward.
I learned. I grew.
Just as the waves shift in the ocean, my life shifts into a different mindset.
I grew up with struggles that once haunted me, by my tide is no longer bound by memories.
The waves have no restraint, just as my mind has been set free.
I am new.