Every aspect of my life has
Always been a splintered crack
between myself and who I wanted to portray.
It wasn't my fault.
I just wasn't good enough.
I was not satisfied with who I was,
so instead of changing who I was,
I tried so desperately to hide behind smoke and mirrors.
because I hid behind all different kinds of smoke,
But mirrors I could never handle.
That glass told a ton of truth's
while I was trying so hard to fabricate my world of lies.
So I said it wasn't my fault,
but that's the Unwhole truth.
I sat for hours crafting the mask I wanted to wear.
Every single time it ripped,
I got out the scotch tape and paint,
and continued to makeshift the paradox I was becoming.
The cool thing was that I didn't care.
When you don't care about who you are,
it's hard to concern yourself with who you're becoming.
But every time people would make a grab for the mask,
the repairs made it Uglier.
And it got meaner.
As time went on,
The smoke that I was hiding behind got awfully thick.
It manifested itself in my lungs where
I gasped for breath that didn't come.
No one could see me.
But I couldn't see myself either.
There was too much dusty soot on the mirrors
For me to even know who I wanted to be.
But I knew what I was.
Other people were watching me die painfully,
And the mask was peeling.
It was soft at this point,
and my face was in a brutal sweat.
The skin on my cheeks burned,
and I was desperately trying to rip off the facade
of Who I was.
But the mask was plastered tight to
my rotting face
that seemed to Perfectly outline my new persona of walking contradiction.
I desperately try to keep that mask off of my face.
The smoke has cleared,
but my mind is often left in the foggy aftermath of
What I've done to myself.
I keep that torn and painted mask right next to where I sleep,
because let's be honest...
It's always an option.
If I let honesty slip I'll find myself wasting away
But the attempt to be someone else will not be so easy this time.
You can't light a fire and not expect to get ashes.
But if those ashes help you grow flowers,
then maybe your mistakes are fixable.
today I must be me.
And as long as I'm doing the right thing,
Me is just fine.