i sat at a red light in my girlfriend's car and yawned. before i could react, she poked her finger in in my mouth and laughed. i remember my dad telling me how he used to do that to my mom when they were dating in college. my girlfriend is laughing and i am panicking. what if we are my parents? what if we become that couple who were once crazy in love but are now miserable at any thought of each other? what if we become those terrible parents who want to kick their own child out of the house when they tell us they believe in something we don't? what if we evolve into a sex-less relationship to the extent that we can't even stand to sleep in the same bed at night? what if we begin to spend extra hours at work just to avoid seeing each other at home?
what if we stop poking our fingers in each other's mouths when we yawn?
here i am drowning in all these thoughts provoked by a stupid joke. it was just a stupid joke. it was just a stupid joke. it was just. a. stupid. joke. just a stupid joke that lunched my irrational fear of becoming my parents into the sky at 600 mph. just a stupid joke that reminds me of all that i never want to become. i never want to become my parents. i mean, yeah, i guess i should be glad that i at least know who both of them are and that they provide a few things for me but i don't have to be thankful for the countless times that my conversations with them ended with me crying hysterically into my pillow to quiet the screams. i don't have to be thankful for the time they kicked me out when i told them i like girls. i don't have to be thankful for the years of addiction i will battle thanks to their genetics. i don't have to be thankful.
I'm sitting here at a red light in my girlfriend's car driving away from my parents until further notice.