Several Things You Do Not Know About Me.

Several things you do not know about me. People make the assumption that because I have brown hair and dark eyes, that I am basic.Indeed, I am.I collect keys and snow globes, but I hide them when my friends come around.I wear my heart on my sleeve, but with guards near.I am obsessed with coffee, but my preference is green tea.I have notebooks of poetry that I will never let anyone read because I know they will judge the words that I write at 10 o clock at night.I will continue to argue despite knowing you are right.Eventually, I'll apologize and admit that I was wrong.Maybe then you'll think differently of my stubborn tendencies, that you think you love.Until one day you wake up and realize you don't love me anymore. My favorite person in this whole world is my grandmother who teaches me the ways of wit, reminding me that just because I'm stuck in a bad environment doesn't make me helpless or worth any less.My favorite animal is a unicorn, but if you ask I'll say giraffe.The reasoning behind this is because my dad once said, "Unicorns are for dreamers and little girls, you are neither of those."Then what am I?I say my strength is in speaking, but approach me one on one and my stutter will appear once again.When I'm nervous, my voice goes up an octave.I didn't realize this until the mean boy I liked pointed it out to me, now I try to subconsciously lower it.So people don't notice this "weakness", that's what it is to me.When I am tired, I rub my eyes like a little kid.Sometimes I have trouble with pronunciation and when my friends point it out, I get embarrassed, but they don't know that.I've been told that it's cute, but I just think I sound stupid.Especially when you're in honors Spanish calling empanadas, em pandas, which I am constantly reminded.I take my glasses off several times throughout the day, claiming that they give me a headache, but I fear people think I look like a nerd.I'm honestly, I can't see without them on, I'm legally blind in my right eye.I always put them in the console in my car.I hate driving because it makes me daydream, there's time I zone out and forget where I am going.I have panic attacks when I am around fighting and broken glass.I will flashback to when I was 12 years old and my mother's boyfriend threw broken glass with a dustpan, that is why I have a scar above my lip. I look at it everyday when I see my face.If you asked, I'll use the time I fell out of the window as an excuse. It worked on my mother.My parents are divorced and I use to cry every night about it.They think I still think they will get back together, but I have came to the opinion that they never belonged together.I feel that I am perfect blend of my parents.I am determined and dedicated to anything I set my mind too, like my father.I am quick to anger and attempt to hold everything back like my mother.The perfect combination of a little Mrs.Know it All.I've been bulimic since I was 14, but you wouldn't know because I bleach my teeth twice a weeks and carry mint gum.I lost my best friend since fourth grade to suicide due to cyberbullying online.I lost her mother and father to suicide because they couldn't handle a world without her.May 7th, September 27th and February 11th.I don't talk about it because my friends tell me to get over it. My therapist says I won't have a bestfriend ever again because I'm scared of meeting someone to replace her, she was also my first girlfriend but that no one knows how much I love her, how much I loved her her.I drink every weekend and smoke cigarettes occasionally.I want to be a writer, but there's no money unless you're a success.So instead I'll do something with business so I won't have to hear from my father.I have dreams to open a bar or coffee shop, just something that's mine.I hope to have a family but I have set my mind to think that I will be forever alone.I have a talent for hiding, a trick learned due to theater.Every play I am backstage creating magic, moving heavy scenery, sewing costumes, I've done tech a time or two but when the show is over and the actors go out to meet and greet, I set up scene 1 act 1 because I know there will never be anyone waiting for me.I find t funny because the better we are at our jobs the less you notice us.I often have low expectations so I don't get my hopes up which still happens a lot.I am a feminist, but I will not publicly admit it. I'm scared of the haters.Every time I look in the mirror, I forget a little more.Trying to remember what my name was.Sometimes my body goes paralyzed due to MS.My grandfather had MS. He would be driving and his legs would go numb, my aunt would jump on his lap and drive. Now I wonder what will happen when I am driving home alone.My favorite color is yellow because it reminds me of sunshine, but if you ask I'll say purple because it was my favorite color when I was young.My favorite song is 'Iris' by the Googoo dolls because "I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything is meant to be broken I just want you to know who I am."Maybe none of this is true.Maybe all of this is true.The only way to find out is to know me as a person instead of by reputation.     

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