There is no room in my life to be selfish.

I will never be able to tell someone how worthless I feel because they will be screaming about how they are not even worthy enough for my ear so OF COURSE I have to prove them wrong because my pride runs deeper than the need to tell people I am  not okay. 

Do you know how many nights I have refused to cry myself to sleep because I know someone needs my tissues more than me?

Selfish does not exist in my world. I give everything I have to people who don’t need it. Every tear, every laughter, every smile and frown, every opinion, every word of advice I have.

Do you know how many times I have faked my smile in front of the mirror in hope that if I do it enough, it’ll be real. If I laugh enough, I’ll know how it feels again. 

There is nothing left to appreciate from my soul so the only thing I have when I come back home is nothing but emptiness of something that is missing that’s supposed to belong to me. 

Secretly, I am greedy. I want everything that I cannot have. That girls smile over there, I want it. That boys giddy laughter right there, I want it. 

But I have chosen to be the savior.

I chose to be the therapist that listens to every headache everyone has while completely neglecting her own. 

I have given so much it feels like the emptiness does not even welcome anything to be received, because it knows that I’ll just give that away too.