Selfish

Thu, 03/28/2019 - 22:52 -- vann116

There is no room in my life to be selfish.

 

I will never be able to tell someone how worthless I feel because they will be screaming about how they are not even worthy enough for my ear so OF COURSE I have to prove them wrong because my pride runs deeper than the need to tell people I am  not okay. 

 

Do you know how many nights I have refused to cry myself to sleep because I know someone needs my tissues more than me?

 

Selfish does not exist in my world. I give everything I have to people who don’t need it. Every tear, every laughter, every smile and frown, every opinion, every word of advice I have.

 

Do you know how many times I have faked my smile in front of the mirror in hope that if I do it enough, it’ll be real. If I laugh enough, I’ll know how it feels again. 

 

There is nothing left to appreciate from my soul so the only thing I have when I come back home is nothing but emptiness of something that is missing that’s supposed to belong to me. 

 

Secretly, I am greedy. I want everything that I cannot have. That girls smile over there, I want it. That boys giddy laughter right there, I want it. 

 

But I have chosen to be the savior.

I chose to be the therapist that listens to every headache everyone has while completely neglecting her own. 

 

I have given so much it feels like the emptiness does not even welcome anything to be received, because it knows that I’ll just give that away too. 

This poem is about: 
Me

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