the only time i could breathe, was during the day-dreams of my perfect suicide.
the only time i could breathe was during the second or third hit when i started to feel sensation again. when i started to feel the blood travel back through the dry veins agains. during the moment when the high took over and my rejecting body opened its' lungs and let me breathe again. feeling stable for a second. feeling ok. not back to normal. but ok for just one silent moment. feeling back-to-life, alive and relieved of all the constant numbing pain pulsating through my dry veins.
forgetting an running away-or smoking my way my problems isn't always the answer. but, it's a d*mn good remedy for my never ending problem.
suicide; you always said it was a "selfish act". or a "permanent solution to a temporary problem". little did you know. put yourself in my shoes for a day. I'm hurting constantly. I'm in pain, constantly. I'm sad. and i never stop crying when I'm alone. isn't that "selfish" to keep someone alive who is already dead on the inside? only moving due to an auto pilot defense mechanism? that's selfish. put yourself in my shoes for a day. what would you do if this "temporary problem" you're told about, haunted you every day?? because i'm the back of your head you know it's never going to end. and you still question as to why you're trying to find any sliver of hope to hold onto.
the only "hope" being held onto is within a "drug". is it even a drug? or is it a cure? because all i know is that this "drug" is the only sliver of hope i have left.