The Secret Me

Location

Do I hide behind a curtain?


Let me count the ways.


Do I hide behind a mask of my true self?


Who am I really? Who really am I?


Everyone wants to know.


I am a single, black female with a language disorder.


There, I said it, DISORDER.


YES, I stand behind a curtain.


Why? Because I’m afraid to reveal the real me.


Afraid I may say the wrong word or improper sentence.


So how do I interact?


I speak when spoken to which keeps talking and communicating to a minimum.


But mostly, I stand back and observe, and I listen.


I observe, I listen to learn proper prepositions, nouns, verbs.


Yes, I speak.


Oh, yes, I talk.


But mostly when spoken to.


To keep communication down to a minimum.


Guess what? I sing.


Yes, you heard me right, I SING…in a choir.


This is easy because the words of the songs are already written.


I am in the choir with dozens who don’t even know my secret.


Do I stand behind a mask, do I stand behind a curtain?


Yes….I do.


Do I let this disorder rain on my parade?


Sometimes, I do.


When I’m alone in my room, you can find me bobbing.


Bobbing my head to music.


Music with lyrics that soothe my soul.


With my headphones on there’s no talking required.


Am I standing behind a mask or curtain?


Yes…..I am.


Why do I do this?


Because I don’t want my secret revealed.


Ssshhhsss.


Forget I said one, miserable, word.


Do I hide behind a curtain or mask?


Yes.


Yes do I.

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741