I was sitting today, in a room full of hearts,
When the subject of music arose amid the smatterings of abstract conversations.
A voice- which I am sure must be connected to some soul, although I still have no proof-
Spoke with admiration of bands of which I despise,
And I thought of you:
A wanderer I bumped into along the darkened path,
A wanderer that reflected a similar inner-light,
The inner-light inside of me.
As I navigated the seas of trepidation and self-doubt,
You were there,
Sailing beside me,
Sailing towards the same hazy horizon on a misty morning,
And I remember that you were the first to signal a greeting,
Across those rough and treacherous waves.
Sure, others would laugh and say I actually mean freshman gym class,
"Get your head out of the clouds and into the dodgeball game!"
And I would accept their mistake with a slight dip of the chin,
And grasp eyes with you from across the boundary of teams,
Picked by oafs with no respect for the intellectual or artsy or outré,
Fools led by a fear of domination and defeat.
But was it gym class when we learned how similar our tastes were?
Was it gym class when you told me jokes and we sang along with our favorite songs?
Was it gym class when I taught you how to play badminton,
And we did the victory cries of Tuscan Raiders,
Summoning our inner Star Wars geeks?
Was it gym class when two total strangers became linked by shared dreams?
The spirit within you was fantastically beautiful,
And I can still see you smiling at me as we stumbled upon the fact that we were both atheists,
And lingering by my shoulder as I sign of support as I sat on the floor,
Tears still standing in my red eyes from the heat of the moment,
After I unexpectedly shouted at the class jerk for perpetually making us into outcasts of ridicule.
In the blink of an eye that first semester was over,
And I laughed so joyously with you at the end of the year,
Neither of us knowing that it would be over in an instant:
That day of walking through the hallways and seeing your unwanted absence everywhere,
Desperately asking your friends,
"Where did he go?"
But they shrugged and replied,
"We don't really know."
That was it, you had vanished with a disquieting silence,
Becoming a mystery that I still yearn to solve during my dreams,
My phantom friend that forgot to leave a note.
Yet you are hidden in every object, every glance, every sound,
And I wish I knew how to find you,
But there is no number, no contact, no clue leading to rediscovery.
I see you when I listen to those songs, our music:
The Cure, The Smiths, Depeche Mode, Radiohead...
I see you when I lose myself in the awesomeness of those franchises, our nerdy addictions:
Star Wars, X-Men, Marvel Avengers, The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings...
I see you when I enter a crowd, a bustling hive full of unfamiliar faces,
And the ever-so-slight chance of crossing paths with a vanished friend.
I see you and I miss you.
I see you and I hate that I am going to toss a graduation cap in four months without hearing your laugh.
I see you and I regret that I saw my favorite band in concert without dancing by your side.
I see you and I fall into a pit of sorrow as I think of the opportunities we missed.
I see you and,
As much as it hurts,
After all these years,
I am still loving you.
I was sitting today in a room full of hearts,
When a smile flitted across my desecrated face in the chaos of abstract conversations.
A voice- which must belong to some sort of being, though I still don't quite know-
Spoke with a slick of humor,
Asking, "What are you grinning about?"
And I silently answered:
"Someone that recognized the lyrics of my life,
Someone who was willing to dance when the music was playing,
Someone that slipped out of my world with an unconscious grace,
Someone that has left me performing a solo."