There was a girl, and she loved this boy with all of her heart. But she wasn’t sure if he felt the same. She knew he cared deeply about her. He loved her “like a sister” for Heaven’s sake. But she wanted more. That might seem selfish, but she just wants him to know. She wants him to choose her. To not be scared or wonder where it will take them. She wants him to just give her a chance. Because she isn’t going anywhere. She never has. Even when he left her, and yelled at her, and talked about her behind her back. She never left. She never said one bad thing about him. She always took his side. She always wanted to know if he was alright, even though it shouldn’t matter to her. She hurt, and cried, and thought something was wrong with her, or else why would he leave? This boy knew everything about her and he didn’t judge, he didn’t laugh he didn’t leave. He was the first person she ever opened up to, and to her nothing  can replace that. No-one will replace that. No-one will ever know her and save her like he did. He was perfect in her eyes. Even when she knows he isn’t. He is imperfectly perfect to her. She wants nothing and no-one but him. She wants him to know that. She loves this boy, and she will forever. Even if he doesn’t love her. Even if he does love her and chooses someone else… again, like he has so many times before, and is still doing. She will never stop loving him. Never stop caring, and wondering and thinking about him. She has been on so many guilt trips, and confusing and sad and mad road trips because of him her life these days are one big emotional rollercoaster going into the next, but she will take all of it, just to have him in her life….. Just to have him. She will take all of this and so much more if only he would let her. They both have been through so much in their lives. She just hopes that they can heal, that they can get better…together. They both have been down for so long, she just hopes that maybe together they will have the strength to get back up…and to stay up. If only he would let her. If only he would open up his heart to her, and choose her and stop fighting it. She doesn’t want to wait forever for him, but she knows she will. She doesn’t want to be so confused when it comes to him, but she is. She doesn’t want to need him and want him like this but she does. She didn’t want to write songs and poems about him, but she did. She didn’t want to love him, but she does, and there is nothing she can do about it. She isn’t the type of person to hold back because she isn’t sure. Or walk away because she doesn’t know the outcome. She is the type of girl who will give it her all, and worry about the consequences after the damage is done and they hurt her. But for this guy she will get hurt over and over again and never leave. She loves him to much. She is broken, but still holding on… she will always be holding on. She wants to heal. She needs to heal, but she can’t do that without him. She can’t get better if he is not in her life. Her poem called “Rest In Peace You and Me” sums it up best…. 

Rest in peace, you and me.

I loved you then, I love you still. 

But now it’s time, for

me to heal. And break 

away from our memory. 

 

Rest in peace, you and me.

We’ve been through hell,

you were gone, now you’re here.

I thought I was fine, I thought 

I could deal. I went through

the trenches, dragged through the 

dirt. I thought I deserved it.

The tears and the hurt. 

You caused me pain, with your actions and

words. But now it’s time for me to heal, 

and break away from our memory.

 

I need you still and I always will,

I want you back, but only time will tell.

I’m ready when you are, for our journey to begin.

A brand new start, together never apart.

We can heal together, be broken together.

take everything together.

Hand in hand,

hearts forever band,

together we can stand,

and not fall back down. 

 

I need you now, I love you still.

My heart forever belongs to him.

he is my heart, my soul, he is my all.

He hurts my heart, I love him still.

I hope he keeps me, so we can heal.

 

Now it’s time for me to heal.

But break away from our memory,

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I never will.