from the moment i received that text

asking if you'd be able to spend Saturday night with me,

my mind raced off to a thousand and one scenarios of what would happen

i pictured myself as one of those girls in the country songs who get picked up in the car

and have those fun loving personalities

but that's not me

i tried to channel those traits so that i'd impress you

(which by the way, i kick myself to this day for even wanting to impress you, you bastard)

but i think deep down i knew this wouldnt last

i knew this would be a one time thing

which is probably why i insisted so much on us just pulling over

and disgracing myself by agreeing to move to the backseat

disrespecting myself so much

i can't even blame it on you

you were just doing what you thought would be fun,

which i, too, knew would happen

almost every one of those scenarios i dreamt of, ended like this

you gave me that look,

a look i thought would resemble the one that only luke bryan and country singers sing of,

but no.

there was no feeling behind our moment.

it lasted, yes, a long, long time

which i was in love with, not you, but the moment

and in that moment,

i was swelled with infatuation.

your scent, your hair.

the way i tugged it and felt ur teeth nibble my lip as we got more into things.

the way your hands traced every curve of my body,

sending chills up to the scalp of my head, which i wish i could refeel

i know that this was all i'd wanted

and i told myself before this even happened that i'd regret it if i didnt try it

and i'd always wonder what wouldve happened

so i guess it's true,

never regret anything that made you smile

and in the end,

we only regret the chances we didnt take,

but i unfortunately learned that i need to establish my priorities

we also regret the relationships we were too afraid to take,

because letting my lips get traced by your tongue,

left me to realize i had lost a guy who loved me, and not just my lips.

and he will never forgive me for ever setting foot in that backseat in your company.